Speaker1: [00:02:09] I’ll tell you who’s next on Pimpin or Coach Connection, Karen Cathcart is our next guest on faith in our coach connection, and she’s talking self care for the mommy extraordinary. The three P’s the getting yourself as a priority.  You’ll love it as she brings self-care into perspective for parents and as a new step mom myself, I definitely can totally relate. I need this. I need to hear this. So you are going to have a fabulous time listening to her in just a second. Have you ever looked in the mirror and wanted something more? More business, home life, relationship life?

Speaker2: [00:03:00] Say word if you agree. Word and 2019 I created a business for coaches to market in this wacky way virtual events, all with the seven to seven job. I’m a full time nurse, by the way, and like you, there were just not enough hours in the day. My partner was feeling alone, and generally this wasn’t fun anymore. But then I realized I needed to build myself back up. Mind, body, soul and even my business. So I created a show that does just that, interviewing all types of coaches. Life, wellness, fertility, career, financial, wealth and business. Join me on my journey with some of the best coaches who want to empower other coaches to live their best lives and build businesses that fulfill them. My name is Nicole Beattie and this is Ben Bonner coach connection.

Speaker1: [00:03:53] Oh, my goodness, welcome to the show, Karen. I’m so excited to have you. Thank you so

Speaker3: [00:03:58] Much. I’m delighted to be here, Nicole.

Speaker1: [00:04:00] Oh my goodness, it’s funny because last night I was watching totally binging your YouTube channel. I was like, OK, like you were doing an interview with your mentor. And I was like, I was in there like, oh,

Speaker3: [00:04:15] Like, like what? What? You know, hands up.

Speaker1: [00:04:18] Ok, that’s me. Ok, that’s me. So it is a delight to have you on the show today, and I’m so excited for us to get to know you and your business and your love for your clients.

Speaker3: [00:04:33] Thank you so much. I tell you what this self-care thing is a journey. Ok, yes. I don’t by any stretch of the imagination that it’s a I’ve arrived because I’m like every day. I just want to be better than I was the day before. And I think if you learn to be patient with ourselves, give ourselves grace. That’s half of the battle right there.

Speaker1: [00:05:02] Farrell, Farrell and the more grace you give, you’re just like, OK, it’s OK, it’s OK, it’s OK. And that’s something I’m learning very slowly. I’m learning, you know, I’m a full time nurse. I’m also a businesswoman. So it’s like giving myself grace consistently is something that I’m trying to learn in 2022 22. I’m just saying that absolutely.

Speaker3: [00:05:22] I’m telling you. I mean, I gave myself a complex on so many levels, on so many little things that I was just about like, Oh my gosh, my big sports are dusty. Oh my gosh, I made this meal out of the box. You know what? I made a meal win win.

Speaker1: [00:05:43] Yes, that should be like hashtag win. I mean, put that in the comments, hashtag. When I got up, I brush my teeth. Sometimes that’s a that’s a way for me. I’m like, you know, just being exhausted from a full day of work or a full day of, you know, business. I’m just like, You know what? I got up and I brush my teeth. I’m proud of myself for doing that.

Speaker3: [00:06:03] We put these unrealistic expectations on ourselves and why? Oh, I’m I’m why I’m learning. It’s like, OK, am I comparing myself to someone else who’s real or a figment of my imagination? Hmm. Because, you know, superwoman does not exist. She is up to. So if I’m trying to achieve this ideal, that is a fantasy, then I’m automatically set up for failure. So I’m like, You know what? Twenty twenty two. Scratch that.

Speaker1: [00:06:37] Scratch, scratch that. It’s so funny because you just said that and that song I’m not your superwoman just came in my brain like, this is this is the year. I’m not your superwoman. It’s like, I’m going to be me, and I’m going to do what I need to do to make sure that myself, physically, mentally, all the things are in alignment because twenty twenty two, you know, it’s been a rough two, three years, y’all. So I feel like I need to bring it back.

Speaker3: [00:07:05] Well, call him and tell you I was well, I am a recovering people pleaser, and I found that when I decided to make myself a priority, I was a little scared. At first I was like, OK, are they going to be mad at me? Or they’re not going to appreciate that I’m only doing 80 percent instead of like one hundred and fifty percent. The people in my life who are closest to me were like, I’m so glad that you’re taking care of you. I’m like, Why did I wait this long? So that’s get permission. So permission granted. There you go, bro.

Speaker1: [00:07:42] Take it. I’m taking it. But like now that I’m thinking, I’m like, Yeah, like the people who love you the most are like, Well, we want you to do that. But I guess in our brain, we’re thinking, No, you know, they need me. I don’t. I don’t want to make that, you know, they I don’t know what is that like. We feel like everybody needs us, so we can’t take it for ourselves or like. But the people are saying, take the time they’re thinking in their brain. Take the time.

Speaker3: [00:08:07] Well, I think that a lot of it goes back to I call this PhD chronic helping disease, and I know you’re a true medical professional, so I try to made better.

Speaker1: [00:08:16] I never heard that disease, but

Speaker3: [00:08:17] Ok, well, I think it’s genetic because I have seen people that I love matriarchs in my family who lay themselves down, not as a doormat, but as the bridge. So go ahead. Go on without me. Walk over me. I mean, and it’s like a martyr complex. But you know what? We don’t have to. Hey, Ernestine, I see you, girl resident three. Yeah, I mean, why do we feel like we have to sacrifice ourselves and give blood if that is not what’s required? I mean, we have to change that standard of. It’s like, you know what? What is enough? I had to learn to be OK with what I was giving if I gave my best and it only came up as 80 percent, but I wish I could have given one hundred. You know what, at the end of the day, I’ve got to be like, It’s OK, I did my best. I love this person and we’ll start again tomorrow. But see, I’m the kind of person I try to fitter thing right now. Sometimes I’m a little procrastinator, and then I end up at the last minute trying to. My husband is trying to put a gallon into one glass. Guilty. But when we take that pressure off of ourselves, we find that you know what, if today all I do is bake some muffins, even though my to do list is not happening and I’m happy.

Speaker1: [00:09:46] When we say hashtag when right location for that on there for us, so yeah, I totally agree with that. You know, I wanted to kind of go into your background, how did you become a life transition coach? How did how did that happen?

Speaker3: [00:10:01] I am so glad that you asked me that because I believe I was looking. I became what I was looking for. I have a son who is now a freshman in college, but his senior year of high school was a transition. My first born is about to go off and leave OK. Twenty years, twenty one years of marriage. So that milestone coming up, we’re in a pandemic. That’s a transition. I’ve been with one single company for 19 years. However, I survived a merger. Thank you, Jesus. I have gone through an 18 month period where I had 10 managers, so I feel like, you know, I was looking for a life transition coach and didn’t have it and was trying to grasp and figure out, how am I going to deal with this? Like, I go in the office and log on and be like, OK, who do I report to today, OK? And so I learned by being put in that crucible how to be resilient. And so I’m like, You know what, if somebody was there to have help me through that? And I mean, I made my own tribe and God was gracious enough to send me resources and women and stuff. So that’s why I want to build a community, a network where people know you are not alone, you are not by yourself. You are not the first person to experience night sweats. No, you are not a bad mom. If you mix up on the medicine dosage one teaspoon and one tablespoon, the critters are resilient. They will bounce back. They love it, man. I love it. I love it.

Speaker1: [00:11:46] I haven’t heard that. I love that, though. That’s awesome. So, OK, let’s get into your teaching because you know you have these three P’s that you talk about, and I want to make sure that we get to each of them of how we can do this. So the first one you have is the purpose of pressure. Now talk to us about what? What does that mean? What are we talking about there?

Speaker3: [00:12:07] Pressure that is every day life. Now I’m a real positive person. I love to encourage, motivate and inspire folks, but the real real is. We deal with everyday life. There are people in our lives who have health challenges. There are people in our lives who have all sorts of things happening, so everything’s not always rosy. Sometimes that pressure, we have to flip it on its head and look at it for what it is. It is developing us. It is causing us to be strengthened. Nobody likes to go through those lessons the hard way. But then when we look back and we see, man, I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey. I’m so much stronger. And then we realize this experience was not for my benefit, but it was so I could tell somebody else you can make it through. I made it through this heiny world. I had the idea that marriage was supposed to be Cinderella like myth. Let’s bust that. But I am a living witness that with the Lord, with prayer, with support, with counseling, with all sorts of resources helping to be like scaffolding on your project to hold you up, you can have a marriage that glorifies God and that you find joy. Now I have a degree in speech communication, and I really wonder, after twenty one years of marriage, why it took 18 years for me and my husband to learn how to communicate effectively with each other. But, you know, he always says, Well, if I’m talking, you can’t be listening if you’re talking at the same time. I still disagree, but we have learned how to smooth that over. And so that pressure now I can talk to young wives and young moms and tell them, You know what? I know what it’s like when you feel like, OK, if I just happen to get a shower or spray somebody spray this week, I’m doing good. Bubble Bath What? So pressure it makes us, and it helps us to identify what truly requires attention and adjustment.

Speaker1: [00:14:30] Oh, I think that’s all that needs to be said, quite frankly. But as you’re saying, I was like, Amen. Amen. Yes. Yes, I hear it. I hear, you know what I’ve heard at church? Yes. It’s just a reinforcement. Is the reinforcement right?

Speaker3: [00:14:44] We have to remind ourselves it’s like, we know this stuff. It’s like, No, we’re going to get through it. But then we lose faith. And that’s where the power of our network comes in. It’s like if you’ve got somebody linking arms with you to say, OK, come on, I ain’t going to let you fall. Ok, you down today. But you know what? You pulled me up with these words yesterday were like, Oh my gosh, how many times have my own words come back? A friend will text me like, Girl, I’m so glad that you told me that back two months ago, I was like, I said, Really? Oh, OK, it sounds real good. Jesus, love it on you through makeup. How do you remember saying that? But now just stepping on my toes and I have to put it in my life and I have to walk this thing out, you know?

Speaker1: [00:15:29] Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. The second step, you have the power of priorities.

Speaker3: [00:15:37] Whoa. This goes along with, I think, me looking for that life transition coach to not just help me get through stuff, but to wave a wand. Probably that’s what my fantasy was and make it all better. Make all the bad stuff go away. But you know what, God kept saying, You got this stuff in your life because you have got to learn how to order and sequence your focus and your energy for maximum impact. So I definitely do not consider myself to be a time management expert, but I’m a project manager in my day job. And so I’m like, I know how to do this, but where can I put this in my personal life? My husband’s like, you can help everybody else get their stuff off the ground. Why is it that you’ve been working on this book for years and it ain’t published because I’m a chronic helper, and it’s so much easier to help other people with their stuff than to be focused long enough to finish my own project. You know, sometimes we can have the fear of failure, but we can also have the fear of success. It’s like, you know, I am familiar with this current state. It may be mediocre. It might be pretty good. But what if God has abundance in store for us? Well, I don’t know what that looks like, like, I know what it’s like to have money left over at the end of the month.

Speaker3: [00:17:03] Like, How am I going to invest this? Not like, OK, which bill are we going? So different sets of circumstances, and we just have to be willing to adjust and adapt, and I can’t believe that I’m saying this. So this shows that I have grown and matured through the years because I was like, I am too young to be this change averse, but you know who likes risk, who wants to just be jumping off of buildings and stuff and just hope something catch? You know, that’s not the way that my personal makeup is, but I’m learning that when I prioritize if I get the top three things done, or maybe just one or maybe half of one thing, then I’ve made progress because I am notorious for trying to eat the elephant in one bite. It’s like I’m a big picture person and I’m a connectedness person, but I’m also a detail oriented person so I can get stuck in the weeds. And it’s like, You know what? At some point you have to give up that analysis paralysis and just do something.

Speaker1: [00:18:08] Just do something, I mean, I definitely will agree with that and put a co-sign because this show, I delayed and delayed and delayed and there were different reasons like, Oh, I don’t have the time. You know, I’m really busy at work. I mean, it was all these different things that kind of came up and then it was like, OK, you’re going to do this, like, I’m going to put this as a priority in this business. I’m not taking any clients right now. I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to. But what I am going to do is I’m going to produce this thing that is a priority in my heart, in my head, like this is something that needs to come out. So I totally get

Speaker3: [00:18:45] What you’re talking about that you did. And I’m glad you shared that because often we see, oh, shoot a bomb. She got her show, but we don’t know what it took behind the scenes to get to that moment. My knees were shaking in the planning and the changing. It’s like, OK, two steps forward and three back, and then life happens. It’s like you have all the best intentions, but we don’t know who is waiting for the footsteps that we’re laying down so that they can walk in. And honey, I am following your footsteps. Ok, well, I am

Speaker1: [00:19:20] So glad you said something like that and your YouTube show, and we’ll talk about our YouTube show soon. But you were like, Oh man, what was the thing? It was so good. You said, you know, the client isn’t ready, but that person that help is ready. It was something I was like. I was like, Oh, that was such a good line, and I hope you guys go. And do you remember the episode who the lady was in the episode? I can’t remember a name right now.

Speaker3: [00:19:47] I’m not even sure if

Speaker1: [00:19:49] It was one of your mentors. It was one of your mentors.

Speaker3: [00:19:52] It could have been Gretchen Heinen. I mean,

Speaker1: [00:19:54] That sounds right. It sounds right. Go watch it. Because when I tell you that particular episode really touched me, you all kept going and I was like, Oh, that’s good. That’s good, that’s good. So if you have it, we’re going to get to the rest of your piece. But I was just like, That was such a good episode, and that reminded me of that. Let’s go to the next B, OK? Patience required for progress. We’re going into that embracing steady, measured growth for sustainability so we don’t fizzle out.

Speaker3: [00:20:19] Exactly, and right here, when I talk about patience, that is not my natural bent, I have an excitement person. I’m like, Oh, bubbles, ooh, balloons, blue butterflies like the next bright, shiny object I’m all about, Oh, this is so exciting. Who wants to do the routine, mundane, boring. But you know what? It’s those repeated actions that bring us forward to progress, so I had to learn to get my perfectionism out of the way and. Make a move, take and action, it might not be the perfect action and then celebrate every win and I mean, oh, eight a balanced breakfast today. I had some protein and I had some fiber. Why is this a big deal? Because I have been dealing with high blood pressure and high cholesterol for way too long, so now it’s time to do something. So the fact that I had this one little micro choice is a step in the right direction. And so my right choice may be different from what’s going to move the needle for you, but we can’t make these decisions. So the back story is I’ve done weight loss programs since like 2010. I believe that I have a lost and found the same 20 pounds on more occasions than I probably care to count. I know we lost 10 percent of your body weight and then I’m like, Well, it looked like it came back.

Speaker3: [00:21:54] So yeah, but all we can do we have today. So the patience required for progress is not staying in the past, not driving while looking in the rearview mirror. We’ve got to look through that windshield. We’ve got to keep our focus forward on what’s ahead. And I’m talking to myself here too, because it’s very easy to say, but I didn’t. But they didn’t. But the circumstances shifted. You know what? I have learned that there is so little that I could control to just be OK. Like if we didn’t get to this third party, I was OK with it. And that’s a new thing. But you know what, when we release that stuff, we open up the door for more joy because it’s like, how could we possibly know all the potential permutations of what could happen in our day? So I was really cheating myself by trying to plan everything and organizing. Ok, so if if he says this, then I’m going to do this. And if he doesn’t say this, that is so much wasted energy and I wasted a lot of energy. And so now I’m putting it into things that are going to move me forward for progress and impact other people in a positive way. And you can make that same decision. Powerful.

Speaker1: [00:23:12] It really is powerful. Oh my goodness. Thank you so much. I mean, you know, this segment has just been enlightening. I know that, you know, you know, as I kind of move through, especially the patients required for progress, you know, my husband and I were thinking about creating like a fitness center in our house and we have the most fitness people. But so that’s what I told him. I said, Look, one thing, I’ll just drink water. Can we be like, you know, can we be one thing? Let’s drink water? That is so huge, right? It’s sort of like, let me just build a whole fitness center and don’t use it, let’s do water. And then let’s, you know, can we say that we’re going to do this or, you know, whatever the case may be, but you know, we’re not going to jump into we all lose a hundred thousand pounds in one week, you know, like we’re not going to do

Speaker3: [00:24:00] That this year. You know what else? I have found the power of confession when I put it out there, when I am transparent and do that self-disclosure, it’s like, OK, I’m going do it right now. Stationary bike over in my den. I’m looking at you with the clothes that

Speaker1: [00:24:18] I’ll put on it. Lisa, that’s how it is in my house. I look at the clothes that I made of it

Speaker3: [00:24:25] During the pandemic. I was on Amazon and I bought one of those step things that you sit at your desk. And I did that about two minutes and realized how hard it was for me to take notes on a meeting on subject matter that was unfamiliar to me. And to be doing that, I was like, No, it doesn’t require my mental engagement, but this is too much. But you know, it’s in my son’s room and my son’s at college now. So guess what? Self disclosure, full disclosure. I need to go and get that thing. Put it back up on my desk and the least I can have some movement for circulation. Small. Well, look

Speaker1: [00:25:03] Y’all contact Karen and say, Karen, did you get that separate thing out of your? You know, I personally think and, you know, realize this. This is a podcast, you know, a show. This is going to last for years to get. So if you get a message two, three years from

Speaker3: [00:25:21] Now, I love you. Get your weight, what you’re like.

Speaker1: [00:25:25] Yeah, or no? But anyway. They really were listening to. That’s awesome.

 Karen, tell us, where can we find you? Where are the places for us to link up with you because there are certain, you know, people are coming at you about your the stepper in your son’s room, so you want to make sure that we have that link appropriate. We want to make sure that, you know, if there are some it hosts out there, if they don’t want to actually put their comment that they can just go right to you. So let us know where we can find you.

Speaker3: [00:34:15] You can go to my website at Karen Cathcart VK.com K-Y r e n c a THC, A.R.T. Artikel. You can email me at Konnect at Karen Cathcart. You can find me on LinkedIn and LinkedIn. Messages are great. Once I connect with you, I’ll probably text you back because my inboxes are going crazy, so I have a good

Speaker1: [00:34:41] Problem to have. That’s a good problem to have

Speaker3: [00:34:43] Is I’m on Telegram. If you want to telegram me. I mean so many different ways and I’ve got my podcast that live for you to subscribe to that and my YouTube channel. So, so many ways to find me. My social media got hacked, so I’m actually on a hiatus with that right now. So we’re going to see how that looks in a couple of months. But right now I’m trying out some different things aside from Facebook and Instagram. But I was there. I was all the way live. I was posting the pictures of me and my blueberry lemon bread and all of my little home projects that I was doing that were just making me happy, making my soul sing, making my heart just have delight. And it had nothing to do with growing my business. But I was like, You know what? I’ll see. Can I put this vinyl lettering up on my wall and take pictures of these polka dots in my laundry room that just, I think, are cute? What about you?

Speaker1: [00:35:35] Hey, nothing wrong with that. I’m totally nothing wrong with that. Oh my goodness, this. This went by too fast. I’ll just say that out loud.

Speaker3: [00:36:45] I know, right? The conversation. That’s why I started the convo lab. I want to have a conversation with my sisters. Yeah.

Speaker1: [00:36:53] Tell us more about that. Like, where’s that going? Where are you at in that? You know, are you seeking guests in that light? Tell us more about the on lab, too.

Speaker3: [00:37:00] If you I would love to have women talk about their experiences of working through transition to transformation and triumph. So if you would like to be a guest on the Cosmo Lab, hit me up, send me an email, go to my website and send me a comment through their connect at Karen Cathcart. I would love to schedule an interview with you and do go and look at it on YouTube, on my YouTube channel and find out because there are so many things that are happening in our lives that we think I’m the only one. And my sister that is not the case. You are not the only one. There is somebody else out there that needs to hear what you are going through and what you have survived, what you have overcome and what you’re walking into for your next match up there. But I want

Speaker1: [00:38:00] To make sure I want to make sure that caring we talked about her gift to you guys. It’s going to be in the show notes it’ll be everywhere, so it will definitely be attached to the show. Can you tell us a little bit about it what you’re giving to your audience?

Speaker3: [00:38:13] Karen, please, please, please hit that link. Tiny, you are looking forward. Slash seven easy self care tips. This is for you because if you are trying to eat the elephant in one go, honey, that ain’t going to happen. So you might not have time for a bubble bath. But guess what? You can have a bubble shower. You’re gonna to get it where you fit in and fake it till you make it and make it work and have fun. Enjoy the journey because we’re looking for this elusive concept of perfection. And you know what? It makes us miss where we’re at in the moment, and I had to learn that I was so reaching and striving and trying to be a super high achiever and get there. And you know what? Boom, this is where I’m at. I put on real shoes today.

Speaker1: [00:39:15] Hashtag win, right? Hashtag win. That’s awesome. Thank you so much, Karen, for being here. 

Speaker1: [00:40:01] That’s awesome. That’s awesome. Ok, guys. So I would like to thank my guest for today’s show. Karen Cathcart, thank you so much for doing this. I I really super appreciate it. I mean, this was just kind of getting to know you and getting to know your show. I just so appreciate it.

I’d like to thank you for listening and we’d love to have you as a guest if you are a coach, any kind. Go to fempreneuronline.com/guest to apply to be on the show. And at the end of every episode, we say, who’s next?